MY FRIEND. MY GIRL. MY SISTER.

MY FRIEND. MY GIRL. MY SISTER.

My friend. My girl. My sister.

Myself in twenty years

I see in you and —

it’s actually kind of weird.

But we feed off each other,

Our energies relate,

Like rillos,

Like paper—

But the grass is all the same.

There’s something erotic about

That bond between black women

that affirms, “WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!”

Our sharp criticisms, our juicy intellects for custom clap backs

Respecting each other’s hustles

No judgment of our flaws

Midday conversations, followed by evening recaps,

Sharing our sad realities,

Comparing generations,

 And our own generational curses

Prioritizing our purpose, protecting our purses,

We know why love is so important, but we’re working.

Learning in our life labs, exchanging wisdom,

Blossoming together, shining together

In our own spotlights—unafraid.

Your children are our children.

Our over processed pains lead to our unfiltered versions,

side-eyes and,

“True.”

My friend. My muse.

My girl. My confidant.

My sister. My peace.

I want A Sunday Kind of Love

I want a Sunday Kind of Love
A love to last past Saturday night

And I'd like to know it's more than love at first sight

I want a Sunday kind of love

A love that will that make you

Cry as you climax and shiver

When think about you think about him filling you up
with every piece of his being.

I want a type of love that will

Make me forget that I

Had other penis before you

Make me forget that I was

Was in love before you

I want a love that is mine.

Kissing me on my neck

Can't wait to get home to sink

Your nose in my bosom

And sneak in a boob touch kind of love.

A "you're so beautiful,
you deserve to be worshipped" kind of love--

A love to last past Saturday night

Skip past Saturday night fun

I want the Sunday fun days and

The fucking in cars...
The let's make a movie
Then smoke cigars kind of love.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a romantic.
But fuck me though

And I love a sweet touch

But choke me though

You know,

A Sunday kind of love.

A Netflix and chill and a big

Cup of koolaid kind of love,

A "Baby, let's go again" kind of love

A "Damn, Baby give me a minute

I got a cramp in my leg" kind of love.

I want a lifetime movie watching

Outside cleaning the cars

Picking out baby names

Cursing yo ass out cause you

Don't Do Shit kind of love.

I want showers with back scrubs

Shoulder and booty rubs

I want a hood kind of love--

Like a sweet ass chilli bear

On a hot ass day kind of love.

A vulgar, unfiltered, butt ass naked

Kind of love. A Sunday kind of love.

Can you  get out my face

And trust my good grace

Give me some space

A video games and head kind of love

A spiritual kind of love

Collard green and cornbread

And mac and cheese kind of love.

A "Can I get seconds?" kind of love.

Not a Monday kind of love

Your kind of love

I Thought I Wanted A Son

I thought I wanted a son,
and wanted him to be gay--
but with his limited freedom
that all changed one day.


While many years has passed since
we became "free,"
my son will have black skin like mine;
he will have to fight be equal,
and that scares the hell out of me.


I want my son to be everything
the "Founding Fathers" fought for
the white man.

Not shot. Not choked.
Not jacked up on coke,
Not scared and in jail.
Not hustling on the streets.
Not dehumanized in the country we call home.
Not targeted and feared.
Not dead.


I thought I wanted my son to be gay,
but I take that back.
My son can be anything in the world,
But I cant stop him from being black.

Zombie Jesus: His Comeback was Real

DISCLAIMER: This blog will feature my personal OPINIONS on the quality of Liberal Arts education, the challenges that college students face, my perspectives on traditionally taboo and conventional topics (i.e. sex, homosexuality, gender issues, porn, etc.), and just a peek into my unconventional thought processes! 

I have to put this disclaimer in the beginning...because I know that a lot of people in my circle are either super religious or super atheist, I am just putting this out there because one, it was my first time thinking about the particular concept--it’s a new concept to me, but not a new concept; and two; I want to talk about it. So, whatever feelings you feel while reading this post, share them with me, I would love to start the conversation up. :)

Okay, so my family came home from church today and my 21 year old sister had an interesting and entertaining story about my soon-to-be 10 year old sister's Children's Church experience. So today in Children's Church, the topic was about the Resurrection of Jesus Christ and the rebirth. So, apparently the teacher explained the Resurrection in a way the freaked my sister out and she started to cry. My mother was notified and I guess a big deal was made about it... FYI, I am really bad at retelling stories.

Anyways, when I heard this story, I completely understood why my sister was disturbed by the telling of this tale! She was being told a story of a man, who died a brutal death on the cross, then he was carried to a cave, and three days later rose from the dead and came back to life with "new life." 

If it wasn't a story about Jesus, I would be crying hysterically too. Splattered all over the media are continuous images zombies, werewolves, wizards, witches, evil spirits, Monster High Dolls, and other mystical creatures that even as an adult I can't help but to think of Zombie Jesus when thinking of the Resurrection. 

Now, I don't know if any of my friends and family have ever heard of anything like this, but when I made this connection, I was literally in complete awe. Why hadn't I made the connection sooner--like six months ago in my Young Adult Lit class?? This would have made for a perfect discussion topic and there are so many connection and metaphors in young adult literature to are parallel with resurrection. And don’t get me start on the whole end of the world concept (hint: zombie Apocalypse and what the bible says about the end of the world in the books of Peter and Revelation). Is your mind blown yet?? Is that the book nerd in me? Okay. But I just thought I would but that out there.

I know that zombies have a really negative connotation; they are these really scary, dead but not dead being that has the ability to transform beings by "drinking the blood". If that doesn't sound the spread of Christianity to you and drinking the "blood of Jesus" for communion--like many of you all did today on first Sunday-- I don't know what does. But, I like I said this is was just a thought. I know that I could probably analyze and deconstruct this concept a little more, but I'm not. Just putting the idea out there. And fun fact: one of the nicknames for Easter is "Zombie Jesus Day". Pretty funny, right?


Happy New Years

What's America to do?

Do you think that people will get used to a world that recognizes genders outside of the traditional gender binary, when in America, people can't even get used to a country in which race doesn't determine the success of a man, child, or community?

I have been raised to think the people are generally good at heart. My mother taught me you get more flies with honey than with shit, The Bible taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated, and media dumps happy endings and "love conquers all" plots on society form a population of people who generally believe that good conquers evil and everyone lives happily ever after.

Three days ago, Dylann Roof killed nine black Americans after Bible Study at Emmanual AME Church in Charleston, my hometown. I will admit, when I first heard the of the shooting, my first thought was, "This was not about race". Oh, was I wrong. Not only was the massacre about race, but it was an attempt to reclaim White Supremacy in the US and a call for action-- a "race war'. The irony of the slain is that for Black Americans, the race war is a war that we have been fighting for centuries. Yesterday was Juneteenth and marked one hundred and fifty years that Black Americans have celebrated their freedom as Americans and not slaves.

Black Americans have been shouting that change will come for hundreds of years, and some change has come. There is not doubt of the evolution of Americans in the last one hundred and fifty years-- but the pain that penetrates through me right as I write this blog comes from the fear that mahierarchal change--complete change-- won't come.

Racism exists in America, both subconsciously and blatantly. The subconscious racist get scared when they see a person of middle eastern decent at the airport and get scared when they see a hooded black male near their car. The blatant racist uses the N word and other derogatory language to demean people they feel are inferior to them and kill people simply because of their race. While racism exists, race is not always the leading issue in every situation. In the Charleston Shooting, race was the issue, but even bigger than race, the shooting addressed the issue of hierarchy in this country.

Racial equality will never be achieved in America because it is impossible to have equality with a hierarchical structure in place. One cannot construct equality without deconstructing the system that serves as the primary benefactor of a group socially specified as the best and the other group busting their asses to be exactly like group in control. Everyone wants a stencil to draw their own individually mimicked life. Everyone's different looks exactly the same.

I hate that I have come to the realization that the people in America have sondeeply internalized the hierarchy of rich white patriarchy, that they have become mindless drones produced to continuously serve the system that advances the country. We can't get rid of the system without getting rid of the thing we love about the system (i.e. capitalism).

So what are we to do? Continue to fight or give up? I am perplexed and seriously contemplating the future and my community.

I Want My Son To Be Gay.

I Want My Son to be Gay.

I want my son to be gay. Yes.

Homosexual.

I want my son to grow up in a time where

he doesn’t have to conform to

the heteronormative social constructs

that I as a straight feminine female follow.

I want him to be able to say “Mommy, I want

a Barbie^® for Christmas”

And not be afraid that he will get a strange look,

or an ass whooping from me or his father,

or bullied by any of his classmates.

I want my son to acknowledge that his sexuality

has nothing to do with his competence,

his religion, and that the “stigma”

isn’t oppression, but a social advantage.

I want my son to feel comfortable in ballet classes

Comfortable in the locker room,

Comfortable—even if he makes others uncomfortable

with his “gayness”.

I want my son to understand that

HOMOPHOBIA

is not his problem.

I want my son to understand the “problem”

with being gay is not a homosexual problem,

but a heterosexual reaction to the lack of complacency

that lesbians, gays, bisexuals,

transgenders, queers, questioning,

asexuals, and allies have in this conforming ass world.

I want my son to understand that

God loves him,

I love him,

And at the end of the day—He should love himself.

I want my son to be gay. Yes.

Homosexual.

Not an overly feminine,

Pink loving,

Dick chasing,

HIV carrying,

Orgy seeking,

“GAY” conforming stereotype.

I want my son to be gay. YES.

By his own standards.

Not because I say so,

but because  he chooses to be.

Not because it’s trending,

But because when he plans out his life

And pictures his happy ending—

He sees a his family--

with a his white picket fence,

two door garage,

two kids, and a loving

 husband.

That’s his American Dream.

That’s his self-evident truth.

I want my son to be gay. Yes.
Happy.

Nikki Brown

DISCLAIMER: This blog will feature my personal OPINIONS on the quality of Liberal Arts education, the challenges that college students face, my perspectives on traditionally taboo and conventional topics (i.e. sex, homosexuality, gender issues, porn, etc.), and just a peek into my unconventional thought processes! It is no way related to or affiliated with my institution of higher education.

Everyone Should Masturbate: Owning Your Sexuality and Having Sexual Agency

Masturbating. Jacking off. Flicking the bean. Jerking the chicken. Manual overriding. What you and you friends call it, masturbation is for everyone!

Regardless of what your beliefs on masturbation are, masturbation is one of those activities that everyone should do. Why?

Masturbation, and masturbation alone, is the direct stimulation of one's own personal sex. As socialized beings we are often taught to view masturbation as taboo--its not something that we should be doing and it sure isn't something that we should be teaching our children. So we mask that natural urge to give ourselves pleasure. It's not okay... or so they say.

After one of my famous night conversations with my friends, I was in complete shock when someone said "it is not my job to pleasure myself--that's the man's job."

You have got to be kidding me, right!?

Oh, but she wasn't. The seriousness that came out of that question was a seriousness that I fear a lot of women identify with. I fear that women feel as though their sex (their organ and their sexuality) does not belong to them; that their vagina, clitoris, breast, vulva, ass, thighs, etc. are body parts that are there to be pleasure by someone else other than themselves.

In this blog, I want to highlight some of the benefits of masturbation (or self-pleasure) and argue that the act of masturbation yields to personal and sexual agency.

BENEFITS OF MASTURBATION

• It feels great!
• Helps you sleep.
• alleviates urinary tract infections (UTIs)
• prevents prostate cancer (for you men)
• boost your immunity
• improves sperm motility
• relieves cramps
• makes sex better
• helps you last longer
• manages premature ejaculation
• improves cardiovascular health
• lowers risk of type-2 diabetes
• prevents pregnancy and STDs
• increase pelvic floor strength
• improves mood
• increases phallic hardness
• relieves stress and depression
• strengthens relationship with your partner/s
• strengthens relationship with yourself

(Works Cited: Link, Link, Link, Link)

As much as we all don't want to admit, masturbating makes us feel the way no else can make us feel. The act of masturbating, within itself, gives us to opportunity to take control of our OWN sex. While masturbating we have the sole power to push ourselves beyond our control and in that act we open the door to an infinite supply of sexual agency.

Sexual agency is the ability and/or right to choose and then exert your feelings pertaining to your gender, orientation, sexual activity, and language in regards to your own sexuality. Having sexual agency means determining what you want to happen in and outside of the bedroom and having the power to speak and/or act to achieve a certain outcome. This is why everyone should masturbate.

When masturbating, particularly in women, one tends to fantasize and imagine scenarios that she wants to happen to her sexually. She thinks about the soft caressing kisses trickling the nape of her neck and the sweet whispers of "I love you" as he/she plunges into her--but only during masturbation. The woman does not voice to her partner that what she fantasizes about is what she actually wants in the bedroom, this inaction ultimately leaves her unsatisfied. In women, masturbation creates a connection with her body that in the makes her confident and a bit arrogant about her body. Through masturbation, women can be on top in mind, spirit... and body. How do you think men get to be so cocky? When men discovered their bodies, they explore it--when females discovered their bodies they covered them up and hid from the corporeal differences that led to the hierarchic gender system in which we live in today.

Men, on the other hand, believe that they have the home-field advantage to a women's body because they have been being told for centuries that a women's sexuality belongs to him; that it is his job to "ease the woman out of her panties" and make her feel like she has never felt before. I think it's time for women to reclaim their home-field! During their lifetime, 86.1 percent of all men masturbate (Link). Meaning, approximately 8 out of 10 men that you encounter in a day has masturbated in his life! Ladies, men have been masturbating for a while now; they have jerked their way to the top now it's time for us to play catch-up. Once everyone has mastered their sexual agency, I believe that agency in other diameters of our personal will be mastered as well. Masturbation isn't just for men--it's for everyone.

DISCLAIMER: This blog will feature my personal OPINIONS on the quality of Liberal Arts education, the challenges that college students face, my perspectives on traditionally taboo and conventional topics (i.e. sex, homosexuality, gender issues, porn, etc.), and just a peek into my unconventional thought processes! It is no way related to or affiliated with my institution of higher education.